So- updates on the film: still editing- almost done with the rough cut and… IT’S AMAZING. Our geniuses; Jhennifer & Jen slave away and Doug and I get to see their amazingness in chunks. Soon we will all buckle up to hone in on the finishing edits & get to post. This week we saw a HUGE scene that is emotional and kind of at the heart of the film. We were wondering about it and so excited to see.
It’s amazing. Truly. I can’t even express. I will expound upon this in another blog.
The thing is- here I am- cruising along; teaching classes, training clients, trying to find finishing/post $ for our movie, editing, hanging with kids & Doug and – BAM.
I get them once every couple weeks. The phone will ring or I’ll get a text/email and I hear/read: “I’ve (my friend/sister/daughter/wife) just got diagnosed with breast Cancer.”
Sometimes it’s harder than others. Last week was another brutal one.
A dear friend- my first ever “pre-school Mommy Friend”- who is beautiful, twisted, loyal and true- got diagnosed. She was THERE when I got my diagnosis and went through everything in 2008 and she called me.
It’s been 8 years since my diagnosis and with one sentence from her it all comes FLOODING back.
The complete and utter paralysis upon hearing the word “Cancer”. The terror of losing your family. The weird art in the waiting rooms. The receptionist who doesn’t seem to care that you’re terrified. The kind nurse who speaks softly as she draws blood. Not wanting to sleep because, suddenly, every SECOND is precious and you want to memorize their every breath. The support- oh God, the support. From people you haven’t seen in ages-0 that time and “life” drew away- the ones you thought would be there disappointing and the ones that don’t. The endless INFORMATION. Online, in pamphlets, from Doctors and – my favorite- the unsolicited “cures” from a “friend of a friend who’s sister did such-and-such coffee enema and bla-bla-bladey-bla…”
It’s all so real. It’s all so surreal. It’s insane. It’s Cancer. It happens.
But, like a war-wounded Veteran- we are like a club that we were “jumped into” against our wishes and – once branded- we will be forever members. And- with every blow- those wounds seem to bleed fresh blood and we are right back in it.
I cried for her. I cried for me. I cry a lot because of this shitburger disease that some of us have had to eat when served.
But – the reason I post my name and # for any & all survivors and their family? I am gifted enough to STILL. BE. HERE. I get the privilige of being ABLE to share my story with them. My experience. To hear their fears, their feelings, their anger and I get to honestly say:
“Yeah, I totally get it.”
My gorgeous, amazing friend? She’s gonna do this one day and she’s going to ROCK THAT as well. You know why? Because she’s fucking brave. We all are- yes- but she’s also TWISTED. Her and her husband remind me of Doug & I so much. They laugh at the bizarre. The obscure. The ridiculousness of life. I know this seems insignificant but it’s not. It’s the BACKBONE of how & why we even made “Quality Problems.” We laughed a LOT during this shitstorm. A LOT. My friend and her hubby? They will do the same. They will cry as well. There’s ALL of that in there but- for reals-
if you’re gonna slay a dragon? Sometimes the best weapon might be a rubber chicken.
B & J: GET YOUR CHICKENS READY. You’re gonna slay it. I love you.